I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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