I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do herpes really smell.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
