i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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