Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
