I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
