how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
