I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
