dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
