Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Someone signed my nipple.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
