if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She's JV to your varsity
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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