we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
