yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she peed on how many people?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
