thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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