Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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