I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
