So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize