i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
