What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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