I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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