Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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