he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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