i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
