I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
