she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
