if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
