Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
