He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
