Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
