Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
