Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
