your parents love me but you hate me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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