is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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