You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize