saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
