She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
