Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
