Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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