I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
