Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
