You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sext me about skeletons
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize