made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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