I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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