I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
