I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
