It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
