Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
