just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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