there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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