Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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