OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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