i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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