I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
PANTIES FOUND
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
