This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
