when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
