i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
