8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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