i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize