You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
