i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
