i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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