somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
