Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
