He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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