We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize