i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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