ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
