I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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