just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize