he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
