Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
