WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
