marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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