My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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