So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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