Don't make out with my wife yet
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize