i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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