You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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