when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize