Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
