I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
