the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we're making bets on your personal life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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