My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
