I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
