Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize