sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
