Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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