am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize