i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
