Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
