i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
