I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
