fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
